Caregiving 101

My spouse had his first heart attack in Oct. 2004 at the age of 47. Overnight our salary was cut in half. We had a 5-year old and an 11-month old.

Six weeks later, while sitting in the Social Security office filing for disability, he was exhibiting signs of another one. The guard notified me that my husband was in the restroom sweating profusely and looking very unwell. That attack was cutting off the blood supply to his intestines, called Ischemic bowel. The doctor described it as very much like a heart attack to his intestines & if not treated quickly the bowels could die.

My husband was left with severe irritable bowel syndrome and quickly lost 60 pounds, weighing a mere 114 pounds. I finally realized even the smallest jeans were too big when he was in the front yard watering plants and all of the sudden his pants just dropped to the ground. I bought a few pants and shorts from the kids department at JCPenneys.

It took two years and an attorney to finally get Social Security Disability. We didn’t have much to sell in the first place, but we liquidated what we could. I opened an Ebay store to sell my husband’s collection of car magazines one at a time. He had a garage of car parts and I had children’s clothes. We supplemented our income however we could. I made everything from scratch to eat. The kids had no idea we were struggling.

Birthday parties continued. They were at our house with everything made with what we had or very little expense.

My girls loved our parties. They planned them a year in advance.

The bills, the pressure. I’ve been a caregiver since 2004. He’s had 5 heart attacks. I don’t know if I gave my girls enough attention growing up. I tried to never miss anything. I was a room mother to both. I took vacation time off work to make sure I was there for them. I was a Girl Scout Leader. We traveled a lot of places that we never would have been able to. We had so much fun.

I decided I only get 18 years with the children, my chores will always be there at home. If we weren’t at the hospital, we were busy.

I’m sure 2018 saw my husband in the hospital at least every month except two. Been lifeflighted, ambulanced to different hospitals. So many obligations that I can never keep up with everything. Fourteen years of being everything to everyone had beat me. I knew I was struggling with depression when I was having a hard time getting out of bed. I’d come home from work & fall into bed, not waking up. One of the kids would make a sandwich or cook something. Weekends were spent in bed. I no longer had the energy to shop for supplies. I sent the oldest daughter out pretending it was a pre-after college experience to purchase enough to feed a family of four for three days. She did fine.

I kept it hidden from everyone eccept my mom. She knew everything and worried about my health all the time since I was now in bed all the time, fighting migraines. I sucked it up until 2019 when I finally went to the doctor to ask for help. Caregiving 101 is take care of yourself first. It’s just like the safety speech you hear on the airplane, you must put on your oxygen mask before helping others.

—God is within her. She will not fall.

Psalm 46:5